On Purpose

“Ma, do you think you were able to fulfil your life’s purpose?”, I asked my mom.

Without any hesitation, she answered, “Yes. Our purpose in life is to be.”

“You know what I’m saying.”, I rolled my eyes.

“Why? Our purpose in life is to be – to be what you were made to do. Which is to love. It’s really simple. Why do you make it complicated?”, she replied.

I got her, but I suppose I associated purpose with doing great things for the world. I’m not really sure what answer I  expected, but it certainly wasn’t that. Something more specific perhaps.

To love….how easy and yet so difficult. How ambiguous yet ever so certain. So attainable yet seemingly elusive. 

Hmmm…Ive realized that my question is both simple and complex , depending on our own stages of life, where priorities and dreams vary. I know for sure that things get simpler when one has experienced much of life. But knowing is the shallow end of being. One needs to experience life. To experience its borders is to be well acquainted with our own sense of mortality, and this ultimately unfolds a deeper understanding of our raison d’etre. As any gem of wisdom is to be attained, I have yet to live life further and fully. Maybe I should just take the words of my mother and simple BE. Easier said than done. (I will need the assistance of meditation and yoga. Oooommmmmm….Lol!)

On a serious note, as someone who constantly asks and questions if I am in fact fulfilling my life’s purpose, I have found temporal peace through this quote:

“They say: ‘Find a purpose in your life and live it.’ But, sometimes, it is only after you have lived that you recognize your life had a purpose, and likely one you never had in mind.”― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed

Sometimes, finding one’s purpose is as unanticipated as my mother’s response. And as unanticipated as an act of kindness. And maybe, it’s all really as simple as love, unfolded in many a form. 

2nd Day of December.

“Bart, I thought the depression blues went away already. Its back.”, I told my High School bestfriend.

“I thought I was over it. I’ve been out of town twice with friends last month, but somehow, I still can’t manage to be really happy. Its like there’s a dark cloud following me. Its fun and all, but you know, there’s something missing. I can’t seem to point it out. Its fun but its empty.”, I hugged a throw pillow and cuddled myself at the edge of the couch.

“Its December. You’re always like that when its December.”, she replied in an ‘as-a-matter-of-fact’ manner.

“What? Really?! Noo…I was happy last December. “, I said defensively.

“No you weren’t. You were also like that last year. Its really the Christmas season. Its either you’re really happy or you’re really lonely. I feel the loneliness too, sometimes.”, she admitted.

I sipped my warm cup of cappuccino as if to fill the suspended void blotched inside me.

“Perhaps I’m not over the quarter life crisis. I thought I already was.”, I answered back.

“You are experiencing the FOMO.”, she said. “Thats what Chris said to me when I was having that kind of episode.”,

“Some people think I’m living “the life”. They don’t know that I am a floating being of emptiness..”

“Well they only know you because of facebook. Of course we only post good stuff in facebook.”

“If they only knew.”, I continued gulping my cappuccino until all that was left was the foam that settled at the bottom of the glass. It wouldn’t come down, and I still wanted to drink it.

Nothing is ever enough, I thought to myself.