For those of you who have happened to randomly read my blog entries and for those who followed me, hello! I figured it is only proper for me to introduce myself to you. My name is Cel. I am 26 years old. I graduated from the University of the Philippines with a degree in music, specializing in piano performance. Now, I mainly sing and travel around the world with the national choir. As part time job, I also teach an all-female liturgical high school chorale. Like any other artist, my lifestyle is quite different from those who work in corporations and institutions. My days are comprised of rehearsing 3 times a week, performing every other day and teaching. In certain parts of the year, I am out of the country with my choir doing concerts in different corners of the globe. So far its been an incredible experience to have music, travel and outrageously talented and amazing people all rolled into my life. I can never be too grateful for it.
In between those activities, when I am alone and doing particularly nothing, (yes i still have so much free time I sometimes don’t know what to do with it) I have a good relationship with my laptop, ipad and facebook. Occasionally, I go out and have dinner/coffee/movie night with my small circle of friends and endlessly talk about everything and anything from careers to love to life to sex to people and philosophies.
Every now and then, I like to upload in facebook the photos of the places I’ve been to, the people I’m with or people I have met and crossed paths with. Perhaps because of this, there is a born impression that I have it better than other people my age, most of which are known to be undergoing some sort of quarter life crisis… I have had old acquaintances from high school telling me how they are envious of how I’m able to travel the world, and I’ve had people assume that my life is somewhat perfect since I also belong to this quite prestigious choir. Facebook, as well as other types of media, has a way of distorting and sensationalizing reality and deviating from what exactly is. I do not deny the fact that I am truly blessed and fortunate to have such an opportunity and such rich experiences, however, my life is far from perfect and I do not consider myself as someone who is extraordinary. In fact, as opposed to what I thought of as a child, I consider myself quite average and common, and ironically, on bad days, I feel that I am too different and a misfit.
So here is the truth:
I am 26, single and who is in possession of a diploma which I worked had for for 5 years and have not benefited from since the day i graduated 2 years ago. Sometimes, I do not want to wake up and prefer to sleep all day and dream, reflect and think. There are moments when I constantly question why I am doing what I am doing. There are moments too when I wish I could disappear from the world and hibernate in the mountains or the woods where life can be much simpler . As much as I love music and travel, I don’t think I’ve found that thing that would drive me to wake up in mornings and immerse myself in so deeply that I would forget about time. I look at my friends surrounding me (most of whom are musicians and artists), the best at their own fields and who have quite figured out what they’re going to do with their lives. I, on the other hand, am a clueless scatterbrain who wants to try out everything and has become nothing but average in different fields. I envy people who have found their purpose in life. Those who have something to obsess about, even if its something weird or outrageous like being obsessively against killing sharks and dolphins. I envy people who’s eyes light up when they’re immersed and just profoundly in love with their own craft. I have yet to figure out mine. Maybe I’ve found it already and perhaps just forgotten, I don’t know. I keep trying to figure out whats wrong with me. Like perhaps, I may have ADD as I get bored easily with tasks. Right now, I basically feel that life is pointless and I have no idea which direction I’m heading. I’m in a serious case of quarter life crisis.
I guess what I’m driving at is, I want to be a master of something. I want to be unreasonably passionate with a skill, a craft, an art or about some cause. I want to fall in love, not only in the romantic sense, but I want to fall in love with life.
So heres what I want this blog to be about: finding LOVE, enLIGHTenment and PASSION. I do hope that by my constant searching, trying new things and writing, I would eventually discover my corner of the sky.
If you’ve reached this part of the entry, thanks for reading. I personally believe each of us has a purpose. I guess most of us are in the same boat in searching for it. I could only hope we will not give up in our search for our calling. If you do have any insights and stories you want to share, please feel free to comment.